Being Tall Ain't all it's cracked up to be

So first of all, I don't know why this wasn't my very first post, but here it is nonetheless. I've realized that, as the title states, being tall...really is not all it's cracked up to be. I thought of a list of pro's and con's and the pro side was a bit lacking to say the least. Where to begin?

I think the biggest disadvantage to being tall out of my cons list is probably the reactions you get when you're in public. They can either consist of a) people gawking and/or staring at you as if you're some sort of freak of nature, b) people whispering "holy *expletive* that guy's tall!" as you walk by, 99% of the time not realizing that, yes, you are tall, but that does not mean you cannot hear them (what with our head in the clouds and all), c) people asking if you play basketball (you're tall, why the hell wouldn't you?), or d) a combination of a - c.

Let me break down c) of disadvantage #1 - and let me preface by saying that I hate when people jump to conclusions. Being tall does not mean I suddenly HAVE to play basketball - I could write a whole dissertation with that being my thesis, so don't get me started. But, you learn to have a bit of sense of humor when you get asked that question every time you're in public; you simply ask them if they're a horse jockey (or depending on the mood you're in, ask if they play miniature golf), they simply MUST be because they're just so darn short! And besides, being tall is all a matter of perspective - I simply say I'm normal and EVERYBODY is short (7 is the perfect number after all.) Another thing people say alongside that comment (usually folk of colored ethnicity) is "Man, if I was that tall I would be in the NBA and dunkin' on EVERYBODY!" I beg to differ. Being tall does not automatically mean you can dunk on people any more than it means you were born with a basketball in your hands or that your parents fed you Miracle Gro. I couldn't even consistently dunk until I was 6'11" - and that was because of my lack of hand eye coordination. I could barely dunk in a game because I was (and am) so skinny. If you have a 6' guy on the other team guarding you, sure, you have the height advantage, but he outweighs you by 50 el-bee's, so good luck trying to dunk while he's pushing you with his over-sized belly. And then you have the problem of not having a guard that is willing to pass you the ball, and last time I checked, it's kinda hard to dunk without it. The list goes on, hopefully you get the idea. That's not to say I didn't enjoy basketball, because you better believe that I enjoyed dunking on people and blocking shots, but dunks were fewer and farther between than you might think.

I would have to say disadvantage #2 kinda meshes a bunch of similar things together. First you have the fact that it's hard to find clothes. If the Big and Tall section of JCPenny doesn't have anything, you have to pretty much order everything online. That's not so bad, because online retailers tend to have a better selection anyway. Shoes are a pain in the butt, and again you're stuck searching online stores for the best size 15 in your style. The next thing is fitting into vehicles. You may think it's all about leg room, but that's only half the battle - the other half being headroom. Having your head touch the ceiling of a vehicle is just as uncomfortable as having your knees in the dashboard (i.e. right in front of the air bag, making your knees a potential tool in the breaking of your face.) Fitting in beds is a challenge. If your feet stick off the end you have to either sleep diagonally or curl up into a little ball. I have a California King Bed (bigger than a regular King) and when I stretch out all the way, I'm just as long as the mattress. Fitting in showers is a pain, especially in hotels, when the water comes up to your shoulder blades at most. Ducking under doors becomes a sort of unconscious habit that you do, whether you can easily fit through it or not (you bump your head so many times, you learn to duck pretty quickly.) And I don't travel much, thank God, so this one is not as big of a deal - but the last thing would have to be the 6-foot-nothing "business man" that has to sit in the one good seat in the emergency exit row of a plane so he can somehow justify having to cross his legs over while he reads his precious newspaper. Can you tell that pisses me off?

Moving on. Disadvantage #3 would have to be not being able to find a suitable mate as easily as everyone else. And by "suitable" I mean "tall" (no ladies, sorry, 5'10" is NOT tall, I don't care if it's tall for a woman.) I am 21 and have never had a girlfriend for this very reason. Is it so bad for a tall man to want a tall woman? I don't want want a girl that comes up to me knees thank-you-very-much. It's ok though, because I know my beautiful tall redhead super model wife is out there somewhere waiting for me :) After all, my grandparents met in a tall club (yes, a place where you can go and not feel like a freak), as did my parents. So I may have to keep the tradition going.

I seem to have forgotten the rest, or I listed all the disadvantages without realizing. Either way, on to the advantages. Let's see...umm...*nervously shuffles through index cards*...Oh! there's the fact that you can screw in light bulbs without a step stool or ladder! That's definitely fun...um....hang on just one second...Uh, you never get lost in a crowd, yeah that's a good one. How bout the fact that you never get in fights because someone would be crazy to want to fight you with your ridiculously long reach advantage. You'd make a good movie extra, in the event they needed a tall person? Sure, why not. What else? Nope, I'm all out.

So next time you see a tall person, dear reader, and think to yourself "What I would do to be tall for a day" - that tall person is thinking the same thing about being short. But as my late Grandfather told me, you have to put your shoulders back, stick your chest out, your chin up, and just roll with it.